Hello AFIYA readers! I send you a warm embrace as we head into autumn.
In my last column, I talked about softness as a birthright for Black women. We explored the ways we have been shaped by strength, endurance, self-sacrifice, self-abandonment and the expectation to continually carry what needs carrying.
I want to make something very clear to you dear reader:
As a Black woman, you deserve softness.
In this column, I share how you can move from awareness of your need for softness to actually embodying the practice of softness.
May they bless you on this life journey.
1. Seed Softness Into Your Consciousness
Begin by giving your mind a new message to work with. Recite the below mantra at least three times a day, and more whenever you need to remind yourself of your worthiness of a soft life.
Softness is my birthright.
I do not have to earn it.
I do not have to prove I deserve it.
I am allowed to build a life I can soften inside of.
The mind needs repetition in order to claim something as true. Repeating this mantra daily will seed a new reality into your consciousness. Say it when you wake up. Say it in the middle of the day. Say it before you go to sleep. Say it when you notice yourself bracing, overextending, or preparing to carry something that isn’t yours.
Softness is absolutely your birthright.
2. Create a Sanctuary of Softness
Creating a habitat of softness will do wonders for your body, soul and mind. For that reason, I suggest creating one dedicated space that is intentionally designed for softness. Fill it with things you genuinely enjoy—textures, scents, music, colors, objects, books, blankets . . . whatever allows you to drop into yourself and exhale.
Be intentional about this space. You are creating a physical environment that teaches your nervous system, your mind, and your psyche that there is somewhere you can unfold into softness.
The most important thing to remember is that you can come as you are. There is ample space for the fullness of you. You can arrive at your sanctuary exhausted, joyful, angry, grieving, overwhelmed, or simply quiet. You don’t have to accomplish anything there. You don’t have to figure anything out.
All you have to do is drop in.
Softness is my birthright. I do not have to earn it. I do not have to prove I deserve it. I am allowed to build a life I can soften inside of.
3. Ask for Softness
It can be so easy to feel obligated to respond to everyone else’s need. Often, people don’t even realize they are asking for more of us than we have the capacity to give.
Practice saying the following script when there are overwhelming demands for your time and energy.
“Hey, I’m really saturated right now. I don’t have the capacity to take this on. What I need right now is softness.”
This is an invitation for the people in your life to meet you differently. The people who can hear you, respect your request, and give you the space you need are showing you that they can be part of your soft place.
And when someone repeatedly disregards a clearly expressed need for space, rest, or gentleness, that tells you something important, too.
Being intentional about who gets access to you is part of how you create softness for yourself.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Beloved reader, life moves quickly. Please claim softness for yourself, starting today.
You are worthy of it. You deserve it. And you are allowed to build a life where you can actually experience it.
Wishing you peace and love.
Erica
Erica Noelle is a writer and creative devoted to helping women return to the wisdom of their hearts. Through her work, she explores softness, emotional truth, and the quiet power of connection with self and community. Her passion is helping women connect with the deepest, most intimate parts of themselves.
Erica is the author of I Sit at the Center of My Constellation: A Handbook for Heart-Centered Humans. She and her 7 year old daughter, Kora, are also the founders of KE WonderLab, a loving and playful space for kids to connect with their own inner authority and wisdom.
Erica is a lover of softness and beauty, and dedicates herself to curating spaces that invite people to slow down, feel deeply, and return to themselves with care.
