What Happens When a Black Woman Dares to Dream?

Part One: The Architecture of Possibility

Hello Dear AFIYA Readers! Happy Autumn!

There is a particular species of courage required to imagine a life you have never seen.

If I were to ask you what a life of greater freedom and fulfillment feels like, how would you answer?

Take a moment.

What would your life look like if it reflected the fullest expression of your desires, your gifts, your curiosity, your values, and your imagination?

Where would you live?

How would you spend your time?

Who would be around you?

What would your work feel like?

What would your relationships feel like?

What would you finally have room for?

For many Black women, the shape of that answer develops within an invisible yet knowable architecture.

Society offers its own ideas about what a Black woman can be, how she should live, what she should value, and how far she should go.

Over time, these ideas can become so familiar that they begin to feel like our own thoughts.

They shape what we believe is possible for ourselves; in personal and family life, professional life, community life, and in what we expect to give and receive.

For me personally, there is a huge gap between what society deems possible and what I actually want.

The Size of “Possible”

In 1986, psychologists Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius introduced the concept of possible selves. Possible selves describe the versions of ourselves we imagine becoming. 

In other words:

What do we want our future selves to be?

Their work established imagination as an important part of motivation and identity; the futures we imagine for ourselves can influence the choices we make in the present.

And yet, there is a lot of interference between what we want and what we’re told we can actually achieve.

Families, friends, societies, bosses, colleagues; so many voices can put guardrails around our imagination.

And that’s tough.

Because sometimes the life we genuinely want exists beyond the boundaries of what we’ve been told is possible.

The Gap

So let’s pause here.

Think about the distance between the life you are living and the life you imagine for yourself.

What exists in that space?

What have you been told you can achieve?

What have you quietly wanted for yourself that you are afraid to share with others?

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to imagine beyond every expectation placed upon you?

I offer an assignment.

Give yourself one uninterrupted hour.

Find a quiet place. Put your phone away. Get a notebook, open a blank document, or simply sit with yourself.

And imagine.

Imagine your life with no barriers between you and your desired future self.

Let yourself go beyond what feels practical, familiar, reasonable, expected, or currently available.

Where are you?

Who are you?

How do you spend your days?

What are you creating?

Who are you loving?

What are you receiving?

What are you giving?

What does your home feel like?

What does your work feel like?

What have you made room for?

Give yourself the freedom to answer without editing.

For one hour, let possibility be limitless.

Write it all down.

This is your future self speaking.

And for now, simply listen.

WHAT’S NEXT?

In the next column, I will share ways you can protect yourself from the barriers and limitations placed around your own imagination. I want to support you in moving closer to the future self you deeply desire to experience

Until then, dare to dream.

It can absolutely happen.

And I believe in you.

Asé

Because sometimes the life we genuinely want exists beyond the boundaries of what we’ve been told is possible.