Hello AFIYA Readers. Happy June!
Recently, I did an exercise that was challenging but has me utilizing my time and energy so much more wisely!
I made a list of all of the people I normally interact with and assigned them a category: Platinum, Gold, Silver, or Bronze.
In a nutshell, the Platinums are the people in my life for whom I would drop anything. They are the individuals with the highest level of access to my time, energy, attention, and care.
From there, access decreases based on where people fall.
Golds receive less access than Platinums.
Silvers receive less access than Golds.
Bronzes receive less access than Silvers.
And at the center of it all . . . is me.
That last part is important.
As Black Women, many of us are accustomed to placing everyone else at the center of our lives. Our children. Our partners. Our friends. Our families. Our communities. Our bosses and work colleagues . . . The list goes on and on.
This exercise invited me to place myself at the center and then become intentional about who receives which level of access to me.
Before committing my time, energy, attention, emotional labor, or wisdom, I now pause and ask myself which circle the person I am interacting with belongs in. It has taken some practice, but it is getting much easier. Most importantly, my stress levels have decreased significantly.
There is research that backs up the Platinum Circle Method™, which I share below:
Different Relationships Require Different Boundaries
Mental health experts have long noted that different relationships require different boundaries, responsibilities, and levels of engagement. Healthy relationships are not created by giving everyone equal access. Instead, healthy relationships are strengthened when access, expectations, and responsibilities match the nature of the relationship itself.
Healthy relationships are not created by giving everyone equal access.
The Strong Black Woman Schema
Researchers have identified what is known as the Strong Black Woman Schema. One of its defining characteristics is the expectation that Black Women remain strong, care for others, suppress their own needs, and continue helping even when their own resources are depleted.[1]
Burnout and Caregiving
Research shows that Black Women frequently experience burnout because of the emotional support, caregiving responsibilities, and helping roles they often carry. This becomes physically, mentally and spiritually dangerous when she is not receiving adequate support herself.
Invisible Labor
Studies consistently show that Black Women perform a disproportionate amount of invisible labor; including planning, remembering important information, anticipating needs, and relationship maintenance. This takes a toll over time.[2]
Reciprocity Matters
Research consistently finds that healthy relationships are characterized by mutual investment, support, trust, and reciprocity. Sustainable relationships involve both giving and receiving.
Conclusion
As I reviewed my own circles, I realized the issue wasn’t that I had too many people in my life.
The issue was that I had not always been intentional about who received Platinum access to me.
Now that I know better, I know that everyone is getting the very best of me. Most importantly, I am giving myself the very best version of me!
I invite you to apply the Platinum Circle Method™ to your life. You will be amazed at the clarity, peace, and freedom that will follow!
[1] Woods-Giscombé, C. L. (2010). Superwoman Schema: African American Women's Views on Stress, Strength, and Health. [2] Daminger, A. (2019). The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor.
Erica Noelle is a writer and creative devoted to helping women return to the wisdom of their hearts. Through her work, she explores softness, emotional truth, and the quiet power of connection with self and community. Her passion is helping women connect with the deepest, most intimate parts of themselves.
Erica is the author of I Sit at the Center of My Constellation: A Handbook for Heart-Centered Humans. She and her 7 year old daughter, Kora, are also the founders of KE WonderLab, a loving and playful space for kids to connect with their own inner authority and wisdom.
Erica is a lover of softness and beauty, and dedicates herself to curating spaces that invite people to slow down, feel deeply, and return to themselves with care.
