Learning to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Learning to Overcome Self-Sabotage
Build Self-Esteem and Stay on Path Towards Your Goals
By Kayla Moses-David

When I chose this topic I knew that what I desired to share with you would be realizations of my own sacred journey. The woman who I am today is a product of years of self-reflection, healing, refinement and cultivation. In each of these battles, I fought myself. I indulged in my fears, I entertained doubting thoughts, I spoke negatively about my aims and had very little belief in myself. What this taught me however, is that the most powerful tool you have to your advantage and disadvantage is your mind. What you think about yourself and what you are doing shape everything. Mindset and perspective are two major keys for actualizing your dreams and overcoming self sabotage. You have to think about what you want! Dr. Venus Opal Reese, a beautiful, intelligent, down to earth sister from Chicago, who is now a multimillionaire entrepreneur, says, “Until you can trust yourself, you can’t have your dreams. Trusting yourself to do what you say creates the blessed assurance to have ALL the desires of your heart.” There is such powerful wisdom in this statement. In addition to mindset and perspective, trusting yourself is a requirement to overcoming self sabotage because you have to believe bigger in yourself and trust that what you say you will do, you will indeed do with confidence.

I remember a time when all I did was dream. I dreamed of my success as if it were not accessible. I imagined the life I desired as though it were someone else’s to live. When I wrote out my plans and developed strategies to actualize, then all of a sudden “things would come up” that would “throw me off track”. I had just started working as a server at a restaurant, but my dreams involved no 9-5 and time-money freedom, so that I could be doing what I loved. In this stage of the game I doubted and feared big time! My belief in myself was still very low, and I needed to heal insecurities along with self esteem issues. If this resembles where you are, my recommendation is to pour on the self-love. I cleaned up my diet at this time and continued my lifestyle as a vegan/vegetarian. I also joined a sisterhood and went through a twelve-month long deep healing, Sacred Woman Journey. This involved sacred baths, journaling, prayers, fire breathing exercises, bonding and connecting with other sisters, affirming myself and so much more. I recommend Queen Afua to any sisters and brothers reading this who are ready to shift paradigms and connect to a deeper spiritually.

After the Sacred Healing I was in a much better position emotionally and mentally to now seriously examine what I desired from life and why? I no longer indulged fear, doubt or insecurities and if I did, I learned to use the tools in my medicine bag and reconnect to my healing & purification. Sidenote: A lot of times, our self-sabotage comes from things we are holding on to or holding inside of us. A feeling, an emotion, an experience, a trauma. So the healing and purification allows us to focus in on those and purge them. Thereby, removing the mental, spiritual and/or emotional blockage.

So now I am dreaming and know I can have whatever I desire, but I seem to be dreaming for others. Creating a life that would look good on the outside and give me presence. Doing what I thought would make my Mom and Dad happy but still not putting what I loved in the forefront. My self-love got better, but now I needed to shift my perspective. If this resembles where you are then I recommend personal growth and self-development. Listen to Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Lisa Nichols among many others. Begin to develop a different way of looking at yourself and your life. This also allows you to refine your self-image and the way you represent yourself to the world. In addition, personal growth and self-development helps one develop a healthy, growth mindset and builds self-esteem. As you get deeper into personal growth and self-development, you will begin to expand your level of awareness and get more acquainted with yourself. In this space you become more creative, expressive and are more grounded in who you are and what you are about. Lisa Nichols is very inspirational to me and has been very instrumental in my growth. I have learned so much from her story and can really connect with her energy. I recommend her for anyone needing motivation and inspiration.

Throughout the whole process, I had to have some real conversations with myself. Here are some questions I asked: Why do I want to hurt myself? Why am I keeping myself from the happiness I deserve? What am I allowing to hold me back? What excuses am I making? What am I putting in the way of myself and my dreams? Keeping a journal was so helpful because as I was going through these questions, I had a safe space to store the answers. The first step to making a change is acknowledging that there is one to make. Be okay with who you are and where you are in that moment when you open up to yourself. You may feel vulnerable but in that there is strength, courage and power. Because now you know what you need to do.

Finally, I recommend a coach or an accountability partner. The best would be one who supports your mission, encourages you to keep going, knows how to assist you during difficult times and makes sure you are staying the course. Family is the best because they take the journey with you and love to do so! Keep your eyes on your prize and never compare yourself to others. Self-sabotage is a collection of negative or bad habits and is actually a convenient opt-out! No matter who you are or what you desire in your life, remember that you are so much stronger than your weakness, brighter than your darkness and have the power to steer yourself in whatever direction you want to go. Be your own hero and come to your rescue. Take charge and live your best life.

Kayla Moses-David is a natural performing artist and healer. She has undergone Sacred Woman training under Queen Afua and Queen Neith Hatshepsut MaaT.